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“It is a well-known trait of men that they suppress feelings and emotions. It is also a well-known fact that the pain contained within comes out somewhere, somehow – through depression, isolation, fear, loneliness, bad health and a sense of powerlessness” (‘Men at Work’: An Evaluation)
The Father of Addicts Family Support Group began in April 1997. We have 21 members in the group with an average weekly attendance of 15. We meet every week to discuss issues that are going on for us as a result of our children’s drug use. Each one of us has coped or is coping with drug use in the family and because of this many of us have had similar experiences. Members are not told what to do or how to cope but through listening to each other and talking through similar experiences we often learn new information or skills which supports us to cope with the stress, fear, isolation and stigma that comes when your child is using drugs.
We know it can be difficult for men to seek support and to attend a group. One member describes below how he felt before his first group meeting:
“I went up, just didn’t know what to expect really, because I’m not the kind of guy that mingles with loads of people you know, or not for sharing or telling how I feel. I keep it to myself mostly you know that’s how I was coping. I found then when I went to the men’s group that there was people just like me if not even in worse situations. The men’s group over the years is after helping me an awful lot and is after bringing out in me a lot of things like self-confidence, trying things I never would have, I can talk to people, I can share, I can talk about myself which a lot of the time I couldn’t ."
We participate in a lot of activities as a group, for example:
- We take time out for ourselves by attending the group but also through arranging weekends away. This provides much needed respite for us as fathers.
- Some members of the group are involved in a drama which we wrote and now perform throughout the country. The drama highlights the lived experience of Father’s whose children are or have been addicted to heroin.
- Some members have agreed to participate in peer led training to become group facilitators. Those involved have helped to design the course to suit their needs.
- We support the organisation of events with the national Family Support Network.
- We attend the national Family Support Network’s Annual General Meeting.
It is important to remember that men and women often react very differently when drug use enters the home:
“Fathers often exaggerated their roles as fathers – becoming more authoritarian, more aggressive and more emotionally distant than normal. Mothers exaggerated their maternal roles, extending their ‘caring’ beyond all reasonable limits. These intensified gendered roles were of little use in resolving the problem, instead they introduced tensions and conflict between parents as they each implemented different approaches and provided opportunities for manipulation by the user”. (NACD, 2007:56)
Men at Work
The ‘Men at Work’ drama speaks directly and strongly about fathers and their pain around the issue of their children’s drug addiction and consequences. The drama highlights the critical need of fathers in this situation to seek support through meeting with other men in a structured, peer-led facilitated environment.
A member of the cast talks about his experience of participating in Men at Work:
“The first night I came down to the drama I didn’t realise it was going to be fun. I realised then it was ‘me’ time that’s what I got out of it, it’s something I give to myself... before my focus was going to my family and my kids and worrying all the time”.
The Father of Addicts Family Support Group
meets every Tuesday night in the Rowlagh Community Centre, Clondalkin from 7:00p.m. – 9:00p.m. If you are a father of a drug user and in need of support please contact the Family Support Network on (01) 8365 168.
Family Support Network
16 Talbot Street, Dublin, Ireland
Phone: +353 (0)1 8365 168
Phone: +353 (0)1 874 7156
Email:info@fsn.ie
Web: www.fsn.ie

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